"final"beginning and end,
you said.
i am.
first page, last day.
commencement, final.
finally, unadulterated love. uncomprimised beauty. abundant life.
as in the beginning, as in the always right now,
love is in the end.
final.
perhaps you've seen it at the end of the news broadcast: "follow us on twitter." or maybe you've seen it right here on the margin in this blog, or on someone else's. chances are that you've at least heard of twitter, as it has seemingly invaded not just social networking, but pop culture in general, having grown 700% in the last year, ballooning to over 10 million users in just 3 years. it is certainly a phenomenon, even if you don't know what it is!
what it is, actually, is a vehicle for what is called "social networking," which is a fancy way of saying making/keeping relationships without the traditional geographic borders. if you know what facebook is, then twitter can be easily described as a place dedicated solely to status updates, with the main restriction being that they must be 140 characters or less. a quick perusal of twitter and many peoples "tweets" (updates) shows a tendency towards the inane, superfluous, and even narcissistic. in fact, many of the problems that critics of twitter (and other social networking sites like facebook, my space, etc.) have is that it reinforces a kind of cultural individualism/narcissism. these critics ask, "what can you possibly say in 140 characters that is meaningful and rich for real human relationship?" This hints at another of the major criticisms aimed at twitter, that it doesn't really allow for deep or thoughtful reflection, and instead fosters a manic and shallow connection with people.
i've been on twitter now for about 8 months. i think that is enough of a body of work to evaluate it a bit. i started my twitter account out of utter curiosity, and have kept at it, with almost 800 updates in that time, which means i update it about 100 times a month. just so you get a sense of how twitter works, i am probably on the low end of the spectrum in terms of how often i update (100 times a month = around 3 updates a day).
i am making no effort to defend twitter here against some of the real and legitimate criticisms leveled against it. i think that shallowness and narcissism are both real concerns not just with twitter, but also with facebook and my space and other social networking sites. when we are infatuated with ourselves, that is a problem. when we are promoting ourselves as a commodity, that is also a problem. when we are too consumed with ourselves to see our neighbor? also a problem. the internet didn't create these problems. twitter doesn't corner the market on these problems. they are human problems, perhaps exacerbated by our access to immediate and easy ways to project our own voices.
in my experience i have found twitter to be more valuable than facebook. if i were to cancel one or the other, it would be an easy decision for me (in fact, i have seriously been considering it lately). facebook has been an interesting way to connect to people from my past, and to voyeouristically peer into their lives, but that experience has left me lacking alot of real contact. for example, i am facebook friends with about 50 or so old high school friends, most of whom i can barely remember and have yet to have a meaningful conversation/connection with on facebook. it is easy for me to learn "25 random things about them," or their "5 top dog breeds," if i really want to, but i am questioning the value of such information.
on the other hand, twitter has allowed me connect to people i don't know. i currently follow 174 people on twitter (which means that their statuses [stati?] show up in my feed), about 10 of which i actually know in traditional terms. instead of basing my twitter relationships on what high school i went to, i have based them on shared interests (theology, music, art, steelers, etc.). this has led to a kind of community i did not expect. i have had conversations, for example, with steelers fans from across this country who are not people that i might not normally come into contact with. i've had conversations about everything from the merits of eating metamucil for breakfast, to the relationship between my faith and my love of football. i have found some real human connection on twitter in ways that have been fascinating, if not truly valuable.
my main experience with twitter is that i have used it as an RSS feed. i get my news from the NYTimes there. i get all my steelers updates there. i get updates from the united methodist church there. i find out what is happening around the world there, and not just from major news outlets, but from actual people who are living through things. i use it as my starting point for engaging the world wide web.
as i close this reflection, i simply want to say that i am not arguing that twitter is good, or better than anything else. i am saying that in my experience, it has been far more valuable and interesting. and for me, the danger hasn't been the usual suspects (narcissism, shallowness), but another age-old problem. i need to make sure (as we all do) that our social networking doesn't happen at the expense of our own relationships at home. we all need to put down the computer, or the remote, or the wii controller, or the magazine or whatever it is that we are distracted by, and engage the people in the room: our own families and loved ones who are often calling out for our attention.
those are my thoughts. what are yours?
for more info on twitter as it relates to responsible living and faith, check these out:
the second one involved this little elmo on top of the yellow lemon cake. we went with yellow since that is one of the few words that cade can say. actually, it sounds more like oouulll-oo. still, it's worth celebrating. 
dear caedmon, today you turn two. you've had two whole years to crawl around this little corner of the world, touching and tasting everything to experience it. i hope you would say its been a good two years. it certainly has been a busy two years. you went from baby food to big boy food; from crawling to walking (to running - everywhere); from onesies to sweater vests (well, at least on easter). my point is that you've had a crazy two years, but at least in my opinion, they've been awesome. i am so glad we've spent these two years together.
i have recently discovered that my two sons have alter egos. that's right, i am living with the toddler equivalents of bruce wayne and peter parker. i have secretely recorded this video to prove it.
in all seriousness, you'll likely get a laugh out of this one. enjoy it. and have a great weekend, safe and secure in your comfy homes, knowing that crime doesn't stand a chance as long as these two are on the scene.
don't know if you'll be anywhere near northwest new jersey on may 16th, but if you are, i'd love to see you at our little show at the friendly grounds coffeehouse in flemington. it should be fun. can't give away the setlist right now (still a work-in-progress), but i can tell you we'll be doing covers from a variety of eras, from james taylor to death cab for cutie. so clear out your calendar, tivo whatever is on that night, and join us for a latte and a fun night of music. hope to see you there!
today was absolutlely perfect here in new jersey, so the boys celebrated it by rolling down the hill. i stood at the bottom and taped it, so that you could watch it and laugh at them. well, to be more precise, i taped it so that we could all laugh at them 20 years from now, but i thought i'd share it with you now. enjoy!
there is no question that at least one radiohead album belongs on my list of top 15 albums, but the problem is, which one? i absolutely had a very difficult time deciding between ok computer, kid a and amnesiac. i honestly could have pulled one out of a hat and just went with it, but i decided on ok computer as my number 13 album, simply on the basis that it was the first radiohead album that i listened to. and that moment is actually the moment that i fell in love. from the very first time the blips and beeps and disjointed rhythms found their way into my ear canals, i got it. i understood. i found i could relate to thom yorke's droning whine. i found i could relate to the sense of dissatisfaction. i don't know if it is a generational thing, or a cultural thing, or just a human thing, but i find that there's a part of me that is very much at home in the soundscape that radiohead creates, particularly on ok computer, kid a, and amnesiac. it's angry, but not in a screamo way. it is desperate, but not in an emo way. it's avant garde, but not in a free form way. if you haven't heard this album, you really should, not because i can guarantee that you will like it (my wife hates it!), but because it is that important. this late '90's radiohead has been imitated time and time again, its influence undeniable. and it has a feel to it that, at least for me, just makes sense in the midst of the world today. it is sort of uneasy with status quo, challenging technology, consumerism, and more. whether you agree with them or not, you can't deny that radiohead is an important artistic voice.
i hope you all had a truly blessed and meaningful easter, full of the hope of resurrection in the midst of our broken lives. we truly have reason to rejoice - our God not only defeated death, but also returned to us with unconditional love and forgiveness. thanks be to God. 
"brokenly"
broken. the word of the day, as far as i can tell. broken like the surface of the skin, pierced by pounding fear-turned-to-hate. broken like bread. broken like a torn tunic, or a curtain ripped down the middle with the stark sound of threads splitting. broken like glass - shattered - into a million unfixable pieces. broken.
i know about brokenness. i live it everyday. when i wake up my knee hurts and my back aches: my body is broken, not the way it was meant to be. when i choose to read the day's sports news rather than pay attention to my wife, or when i yell at my kids for something petty: my relationships are broken, not the way they were meant to be. when i choose my own gratification over the needs of another, when i neglect my own need to be full of love for God and others: my spirit is broken, not the way it was meant to be.
i am not the way i was meant to be.
i am broken.
but today i remember that i am not left alone in my brokenness. in what is one of the greatest mysteries of our faith, i believe that God, in the form of humanity, decided to be broken with me, in the most obscene and egregious of ways. today i remember that the love Jesus had is the kind of love that suffers with the beloved. today i remember that Jesus suffered utter and complete brokenness ("my God, why have you forsaken me?") because he loves us and refused to allow anything to keep us from him.
so, yes, i am broken, split, sharded and scarred. but i am not alone. and even as the darkness descends upon this day, and the brokenness of life gives way to the cold emptiness of death, i hold fast to faith that brokenness is not the end of the story.
have a blessed good friday. may you know, in a new way, not only your own brokenness, but also the brokenness of Jesus for your sake.
well, i've been debating about whether or not i should blog about this, but i couldn't resist sharing something that happened the other night, so i might as well share the whole thing. here goes...
i don't normally give up things for lent, because i hate the disappointment when i fail. it is a defense mechanism that i learned at perfectionists anonymous (pa). the p.a. system (get it?) is to not make any commitments so that you won't be disappointed when you inevitably fail.
i know, its stupid. i'm working on it.
but i seriously haven't given anything up for lent for a long time. but this year i recognized that one of my 'addictions' was eating at night time. this might not seem like that big of a problem, but it really is for me. upon further reflection i realized that my night-eating habit is deeply ingrained in me. when i was a little kid, i always got a night time snack. when i got older, the snacks got bigger. when i moved out on my own the snacks became meals, and it was nothing for me to literally eat a second dinner before bed. most recently i haven't been quite so over the top, but it is still a pattern for me to sit down after a long day and eat way too many potato chips, or leftover candy from the kids. my self control isn't exactly my strong suit, to put it mildly.
so i decided that it might be an interesting experience to give up eating after dinner for lent. the idea wasn't so much to lose weight as it was to see what it was like to deny myself that urge. i wondered what it might feel like to go to bed hungry for awhile, like most of the world does every night. i thought it might be good for me to feel hunger. to literally feel the burning in my gut, and to reflect on the corresponding burning in my spirit.
it has been an absolutely fascinating experience. for one, i truly have felt hungry on most nights, and that has been a healthy thing for me. i needed that, i think. but it has also had some unintended consequences: first, a deep appreciation for the evening meal, aka dinner. the time shared around the table is no longer just a habit or routine, but a sustenance-offering critical ritual. every part of the meal is now something to cherish and appreciate - something to be deeply grateful for. secondly, and perhaps more amazingly, i've lost 16.5 pounds so far this lent, mostly due to my lack of late-night caloric intake. SIXTEEN POUNDS!! amazing. so, i'm feeling more alive, more healthy, more connected to my family and the rest of the world. other have even begun to notice the less-round contour of my profile, which is gratifying to say the least. but not everyone.
no, there will always be critics. like jackson. at dinner on sunday night, he and i were deliberating about which sesame street characters each member of our family would be. he decided that caedmon would be elmo, with the indisputable logic that cade likes elmo. using the same principles of logic, i suggested that i would be ernie, since i like ernie, and since ernie is orange. jack didn't seem convinced, though. in fact, he seemed completely dissatisfied with that solution. he shook his head thoughtfully and said, "no, i don't think so. you would be cookie monster because you are fat." i think i immediately turned into oscar the grouch.
so, needless to say, i am disregarding the principles of perfectionists anonymous and making a commitment to lose even more weight. i mean, i really want to be ernie. i guess i'll have to cut back on the cookies.
Mark 11:1-2 (emphasis mine)
just stumbled across this pic where i look like i want to be a NBA star, circa 1974. i'm not sure when this pic was taken, but it wasn't very long ago. maybe right around the time of my sister julie's wedding (she's the good looking one on the left)? not sure. i was too busy ballin'. or maybe arranging centerpieces for the reception. but either way, no - i repeat NO - sweat got in my eyes. 
