opened

"opened"

mixed media collage on canvas board

gregory a. milinovich

here is a collage i finished last week, while at my conference. i've called it "opened," and it obviously has to do with opening up our hands, and what that might mean. for me, ever since reading henri nouwen's "with open hands" when i was 16, this has been a powerful image for me. i often cannot escape the realization that i am clinging to too much: too much guilt, too much stuff, too much pride, too much. i need to just open up my hands and let go and be...

...opened.

twilight

my wife read the twilight book a couple of months ago and has been obsessed with it ever since. she's been asking me to read it, and knowing that i'm not a teenage girl, i wasn't really sure if i'd like it. but i wanted to see what all the buzz was about, so i took it with me to my conference this week, and i started it monday night. by wednesday afternoon i was finished with all 500+ pages, and that was with only reading it during breaks! in short, i loved it!

***spoiler alert***do not read the rest of this if you are planning on reading the book!!!

look, this is basically really well-done pulp fiction. it is a glorified romance involving a great deal of suspense. but it is really well written, in my opinion, and it has some themes that lend themselves to further reflection, if you can pause long enough before delving into the second book (new moon) because you want to know what happens next. one of the more overt themes is how we deal with temptation. edward is a vampire, and while he is in madly in love with bella, he also has a purely physical desire to kill her and drink her blood. he knows in his mind that this would be 1)immoral and 2)bad, so he disciplines himself. he denies himself. he puts himself in a position where he is tempted, but he denies himself the gratification. this can easily be applied to our own lives where we face temptation every day. temptation often comes to us in ways that force us to make choices between our immediate gratification and our long-term good. i think this story has some really good things to say about that struggle.

i also really enjoyed the theme of "worth" in this book. as edward and bella fall in love and then live within the difficult realities of their relationship, they are constantly questioning their own worth and affirming the worth of the other. how many times does bella examine a situation, say, the cullen's saving her, and proclaim, "i'm not worth all this." time and time again she feels this way and time and time again edward affirms that she is worth so much more. conversely, he experiences the same feelings when he realizes how much trouble bella is in because of him. "i'm not worth all of this," he says. "stop it. you are worth everything," replies bella. (i'm paraphrasing here). i really loved all of this "worth" stuff because i think it is something our culture really struggles with. when we are given love, many of us feel unworthy. we don't know how we can be loved like this because maybe we think we are some kind of monster (edward) or just really average (bella). this book has some really wonderful things to say to that: you are worth it. no matter what, you are worth being loved.

those are my two main reflections on the value of this story. it stands on its own as a great story, and one that i will read again. the movie, on the other hand....well, i'm just not going to go there right now.

j

"j"

paper collage

gregory a. milinovich

today i thought i would share another one of my collages with you. enjoy. don't forget that this one and others are for sale at my etsy site. just click here. have a great thursday.

psalm 51

this sunday i'm preaching on psalm 51, you know, that famous poem that david wrote after his adulterous affair with bathsheeba, and his subsequent involvment in the murder of bathsheeba's husband. when he is confronted with all of this, david, a man after God's own heart, writes this very moving poem, and it has become a prayer for forgiveness ever since. how many people in their youth group days sang, "create in me a clean heart, o God...?" right from psalm 51.

but one of the things i love about this psalm is that david knows his own condition. he knows that his sin is bigger than just one episode. he knows that he is, as he says, "a sinner since birth." it is a freeing realization, really. when we realize that we are broken at our beginning, we no longer hold ourselves up to some standard of perfection. when we realize that we live in a less than perfect world, in less than perfect standing with our creator, we are free to embrace our own less-than-perfection. when we do that - when we get comfortable with our own sin - we don't have to work so hard to hide it, to lie about it and continue to pattern of sin just to try and conceal our sin - a sick cycle.

but we don't have to ride on that carousel. we can own up to our sin-and our sinfulness-and be contrite. we can repent when we fall, and keep trying to live the lives to which we are called. and perhaps, most importantly, we never ever have to lose hope because we know that while we continue to live in brokenness now, there will come a day when all that is broken is made whole. even me.

until then, david has written my daily prayer.

15 albums: pro pain

so most of the music on the list of 15 albums has been pretty similar. i tell everyone that i love all kinds of music (opera, jazz, rap, metal, hiphop, classical, blues, gospel - i never met a style of music that i couldn't enjoy for at least a little while), so today's album, 11th on my list of 15, is a rap album: pro pain by mars ill.

while the terrain of the hip hop/rap landscape is often marred by lowest common denominator songs celebrating sex/money/violence, there are some artists using the genre to create some pretty amazing art. one of those artists is the duo from atlanta, georgia who call themselves mars ILL. they make some great sounding music with solid head-nodding beats and clever sampling, while at the same time providing some intellectually stimulating rhymes that challenge the listener. i know for many of you this might not be your "cup of tea," but one of my guiding principles in life is that there is beautiful art everywhere, and that this art shows more of God to me, if i let it. check out the video below. it is their song "more," which is a kind of manifesto of what they are all about. and if you don't like it, sorry. album 12 is coming up soon!

and the winner is...

congrats to amanda w.! my random number generator turned up number 1, so the collage goes to her. thanks for playing, everyone!

in other news, i'll be out of pocket for a few days at a seminar/conference thing. i am blogging ahead, so check back here this week because even though i'll be down the shore with my feet in the sand, my blog will still be new each day. have a great week!

jazz for breakfast: uptown

today's jazz for breakfast: duke ellington's hi-fi ellington uptown.

you can still win

you can still win this collage. just click here and comment. deadline is monday at noon.

jazz for breakfast: jack johnson

here was today's "jazz for breakfast." jack johnson by miles davis. 1971.

throwback thursday: jail

while i've never really been in the slammer, this is a picture of me from 11 years ago when i was thrown behind bars in some restaurant in order to raise money for something that i cannot now remember. i think you normally get one phone call, so i used mine to call my mom (this is a true story) to ask her to make a donation. seriously. i called my mom. can you imagine that conversation?
mom: hello?
me: hi mom. i'm in jail.
mom: what? what happened?
me: um...well, they came and got me in a limo and then brought me to fuddruckers and now i'm behind bars.
mom: what did you do?
me: well, i called you.
mom: no, what did you do to end up in jail.
me: nothing, mom. they want me to get donations to help people with chronic hangnails.
mom: oh. that sounds awful.
me: yeah, its really bad. we only get the regular fries. the curly fries cost extra. and these horizontal stripes make me look heavy.
mom: no, i mean the hangnails.
me: oh, yeah. terrible. hey, can you make a donation to the PACH (people against chronic hangnails) so that i can get out of here?
mom: yes, dear.
me: thanks, mom.

jazz for breakfast

i have begun a new "program" in our house which i am calling "jazz for breakfast." having just finally replaced the broken needle on my panasonic record player, i am now able to enjoy my large lp collection, and i figured this would be a great way to do that. i also want read an article yesterday about a book that i really want to read and the author was suggesting that one of the things we are called to be doing is cultivating culture, that is, passing down to younger generations that which is good and beautiful and points us toward God. and so i am feeling somewhat inspired to make sure that my kids hear good music. that being said, i started our new jazz for breakfast this morning, in which each morning while we eat our oatmeal or toast or cereal or pepperidge farm pizza flavored goldfish, we will listen to a different jazz album, until i run out of albums to listen to. then maybe we'll move to "cheesy christian rock from the 80's for breakfast." until then, its the sweet sounds of jazz. we started this morning with this swingin' concert from 1938.

the kids loved it. they were dancing like crazy. i'm pretty sure cade sprayed milk all over the kitchen as he prefers to dance with his milk-laden spoon in his little hand. jack told me he wished there was a harmonica in the song. we listened for various instruments, and clapped along with the carnegie hall crowd when each song was over. it should be a fun experiment that will, at the very least, teach my children that those large black circles are not frisbees, but sweet crackly music.

15 albums: wrecking ball

number 10 on the list of my top 15 albums is wrecking ball by emmylou harris. now, emmylou harris is a prolific artist and has put out a TON of albums, not to mention that she has sung with everyone from buddy and julie miller to bright eyes (i love her on bright eyes' i'm wide awake, it's morning). and i own several of her albums and collaborations, because i have become a big fan. but nothing that she has done - nothing - moves me like this album with its airy guitars and big drums. produced by daniel lanois (who also produced u2's achtung baby, along with brian eno), it has lanois' signature atmospheric and moody sound. this album was a huge departure for emmylou, for that very reason, but i had no idea about that when i picked up this album in 1999. i just picked it up because lanois' name was on the back. the fact that steve earle, larry mullen, neil young and lucinda williams also appeared on it was just gravy. but what really solidified this album in my top 15 list was just the strength of the songs. every song is a gem. it just feels like a foggy night, fraught with emotion and potential. it rings out like a church bell, with just as much sense of history and calling. it beats with a pulse, alive and well, but not frisky so much as faithful to a deeper spirit - an undercurrent of both brokenness and redemption. emmylou's distinct voice is perfect for lanois' production, and the result is, at least for me, absolutely mesmerizing. i love this album. i would take it to my desert island. and even if i were stranded there alone for all of eternity, i would never be able to forget the depth of human emotion, because i would hear it in this music.

Jesus still saves

so my text this week for the fourth sunday in lent is ephesians 2:1-10. it contains the classic formulaic statement about salvation that we are saved by grace through faith to good works. there is, of course, wide and varied interpretation of this theological reasoning of paul's, and i intend to spend some time wrestling with all of that again this week in preparation for sunday's sermon. but i read a great little article here that reminded me that we ought not rationalize our way out of the simple truth of this text, which incidently is the simple truth of the Gospel, after all: Jesus still saves. we don't save ourselves. it seems that as much as we know that, we still don't know it. we still want to create ways where it is at least a co-op with Christ. we want to go to enough worship services, or enough church meetings, or give enough money, or say enough prayers to somehow feel that we deserve the rescue that we get. but as much as we wriggle and wrestle and work, we can never get ourselves where we need to be. the bottom line is always that we are saved by grace. which is at once a theologically thick and profoundly poetic way to say that someone saves us without us deserving it. call that someone God. and call God's son Jesus (which incidently means "he saves").

maybe this doesn't appeal to our postmodern sensitivities. we believe that there is a goodness in us (and there is, of course) that we nurture into serving our communities and our neighbors. we volunteer in soup kitchens or participate in walks for life. we run and fundraise and rock and buy popcorn and do all kinds of good deeds as part of our duty to the universe or to ourselves, but we cannot - we must not - forget that the human experience tells us that we need to be rescued. from what? from death. from fear. from brokenness. from ourselves! and we will never ever deserve it. but we get it anyway. saved by grace.

happy st. patrick's day, 2009

May you have warm words on a cold evening,

a full moon on a dark night,

and the road downhill all the way to your door.

another collage giveaway

"george"

paper collage on cardboard panel

gregory a. milinovich

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i'm giving away another collage. from time to time it occurs to me that most of my collages are just sitting around my house collecting dust, not really doing anything. even though i have several of them for sale here, they're not flying off the shelves, as you can imagine. so i thought i would give another one away, just for kicks and grins. the collage is called "george" and you can see it above. it is unframed. i made it about 7 years ago. if you would like to win it, here's what you do:

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-leave me a comment in the comments section (just click on the word comments down below)

-you comment must include some way for me to get in touch with you, should you win

-you can only comment once

-you must comment by monday, march 23rd at noon.

-your comment order will be your chance to win. i will do a drawing on the 23rd. if i draw a 9 and you are the ninth comment, you win. whether you want to or not!

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alright, friends. comment away!

15 albums: august and everything after

number 9 on my top 15 albums of all time list is the counting crows' "august and everything after." it came out in 1993 when i was a senior in high school, and sent the song "mr. jones" right to the top of the charts. i remember sitting in mr. vass' senior english class discussing the literary merits of the lyrics to "mr. jones." but it wasn't in high school that this album made its way into my heart. i wasn't quite ready for it yet.

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but soon college came. and the independence and freedom (and, in part, lonliness) that college brought me offered the perfect canvas for "august and everything after" to paint its acoustic sketches. from the jangly "mr. jones," to the the desperate "round here," to the heartbreak of "raining in baltimore," this album felt like i had been born to sing along with it, in my whiniest adam duritz impression. this album provided the perfect soundtrack to my freshman year of college, and, to a lesser extent, to all the years that followed. i still love this album. no album that they have made since has even come close, in my opinion.

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here's a track from that album called "sullivan street."

throwback thursday: brush

its throwback thursday here at agent orange records, kids! so turn that frown upside down and have a laugh at my expense! here i am 10 years ago, having a little fun with a comb and brush.

you see, i never brush my hair. i don't. it's curly, so i don't have to. i just run my fingers through it to get it where i want it, and that's it. if i brush or comb it, my hair turns into a brown chia pet from hell, and believe me, you don't want to see that. in fact, this is picture here will give you an idea. i mean, i don't look the president of the hair club for men here, i look like the supplier.

hope your thursday includes a laugh. even if its directed at me, keeping bald men covered for over 10 years!

God's own fool

i am preaching on 1 corinthians 1:18-25 this week, and these are some of my inspirations so far.

"the riddles of God are more satisfying than the solutions of man." - g.k. chesterton, introduction to the book of job, 1907

God's own fool - michael card

Seems I've imagined Him all of my life
As the wisest of all of mankind
But if God's Holy wisdom is foolish to men
He must have seemed out of His mind

For even His family said He was mad
And the priests said a demon's to blame
But God in the form of this angry young man
Could not have seemed perfectly sane

When we in our foolishness thought we were wise
He played the fool and He opened our eyes
When we in our weakness believed we were strong
He became helpless to show we were wrong

And so we follow God's own fool
For only the foolish can tell-
Believe the unbelievable
And come be a fool as well

So come lose your life for a carpenter's son
For a madman who died for a dream
And you'll have the faith His first followers had
And you'll feel the weight of the beam

So surrender the hunger to say you must know
Have the courage to say I believe
For the power of paradox opens your eyes
And blinds those who say they can see

So we follow God's own Fool
For only the foolish can tell
Believe the unbelievable,
And come be a fool as well

achy

hey. sorry i've been absent all weekend. i came down with something of a fever and a complete lack of a will to do anything but lie on the couch and moan occasionally. it was great fun. i'm beginning to feel much better now, as my current upright position will attest to, but i still have this strange soreness in my muscles, which ache more than billy ray's heart.

hope you had a good weekend, and i'll be back now with more to write this week, assuming that his mullet doesn't just jump off the screen and eat me.

15 albums: now that i've found you

moving forward with my top 15 albums of all time we come to this one: now that i've found you: a collection by Alison Krauss. the album is a collection of songs from the early part of alison's career, released in 1995, when i was in college. that is significant because, i don't know exactly who introduced it to her, but my wife introduced it to me. actually, to be totally honest, she invited me over to her dorm room one day because her and some friends were going to be singing one of the tracks off this album "when God dips his pen of love in my heart." i loved what i heard and borrowed the cd (that's right, kids, we used to buy cds - you could actually hold the music and lyrics in your hands), and fell in love. mostly i fell in love with alison's voice. my friend paul and i would listen to "oh, atlanta" on full blast and just melt at the way her voice cut clearly into our being. we couldn't help but be affected by it.

however, this album, which i fell in love with, came to be more than just a record i enjoyed; it became an introduction to a whole style of music which became an important part of my musical life. having grown up with the common prejudice that 'all country music is depressing garbage,' i had always disregarded anything that even approached country. it was in college that prejudice began to be exposed for what it was, and i discovered the rich soil that is country music. and a huge part of that journey was my falling in love with bluegrass. which started with this album.

i can still put this album on and sing nearly every word (except when i just shut up and listen to her buttery velvet voice sink into my soul). enjoy.




ps. this album also wins the award for 'worst album art' on my list. i mean, they couldn't have found a better picture? really?

throwback thursday: guitar

i know its been a long time since we've had a throwback thursday, but here's one from probably 8 years ago or so. it was taken on the atlantic city boardwalk, right after i drank the shrinking potion. have a great thursday.

a different economy

we're still wrapped up in winter here now, blanketed in cotton-white snow and shrouded in daily darkness. but, even here, there are hints of the life to come: a bird (an animal that sings - o the wonder of creation!), a bit of warmth on the skin from the waiting sun, and a gasp of green from the granite ground. "there is life yet to come!" utters nature, in rising crescendo, if we would but listen.

...

"there is life yet to come," said Jesus, in his own way. "though you are dead," he said to lazarus (and to the lazaruses of my own heart), "there is still life to come."

...

"i came that you might have life," he also said. "and not just any life, but abundant life - life overflowing."

...

into an economy as broken as the bones of another era, i hear words of hope: there is life yet to come. maybe that life is coming to us not as a return to the american dream of fierce independence and indiscriminate consumption, but in learning that living whole and healthy lives means taking care of our neighbors, too. "he's a socialist," they sneer, spewing so-called righteous anger at president obama. to be honest, i'm not smart enough to know if its socialism or capitalism or any other -ism. but i know enough to know that i'd rather not have us return to the status quo. so if obama is failing - if he's failing at getting things back to the way they were - then i stand up and applaud him. good for him! in this moment on this day i reject the frenzy of news show voices that clamor for attention by sounding the scariest or most provocative. i reject the voices of those that would call us "back." i don't want to go back. my prayer is not, "lord, restore us to where we were." to me, that smells too much like just another way of praying, "lord, i want a good economy so i can feel secure and buy the things i need (want) without having to think about the consequences." instead, my prayer remains, "lord, thy kingdom come."

...

you see, i serve a different king whose kingdom is not of this world. and rather than spend his time criticizing ceasar or writing vitriolic op-eds against his obviously flawed policies, jesus chose to be about other things: to work in the midst of the culture; to bring light in darkness; to offer good news in the midst of bad news.

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i feel like too many of us who claim to be followers of this Jesus aren't really acting much like him. many of us have become bad news barkers. many spread anxiety or fear. many spew anger. many create heat instead of shining light.

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as we journey towards easter, i am reminded that love always finds a way to break through; that life always finds a way to burst through the rock-hard ground. as spring builds its crescendo towards a cacophony of life, i am reminded that the thaw is coming. it always comes. life always emerges. light always vanquishes darkness. love always wins. even death cannot stop love. why have we suddenly started acting like bad credit will? or a descending dow? or a bailout plan that we don't agree with? the truth is, it can't. this recession/depression might stop us dead in our all-consuming tracks, and that might be just what we need. but it can't stop the kingdom from coming. in fact, it might help us!

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i'm not saying that all of this isn't scary. it is. i'm also not saying that our economy can't fail. it can. but what i am saying, to those christians who i see shaking in their financial boots, and to those christians i see pointing accusing fingers at obama with an 'i-told-you-so' smirk on their faces, is that we are not citizens of this kingdom only, and we certainly aren't citizens of the kingdoms of comfort or consumption. we are citizens of a different kingdom, and as such we need to be people marked by hope. the hope our faith gives us is built for such a time as this. our faith calls us in these days to hold fast to hope, and to live our lives differently than those who do not share this hope. we live as those who love God with all that we are and who love others as ourselves. we do not despair; we delight in sharing all that we are and all that we have with one another.

...

the economy of God's kingdom, you see, is quite different than the one we are used to. the economy that crumbles around us is one that encourages us to save and spend, to varying degrees, for ourselves. but jesus talked about a different kind of economy: "whoever wants to save their life will lose it..."(mark 8:35). he says, "don't store up treasures for yourself on earth, but store up treasures in heaven" (matthew 6:19-20).

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and so the question is: how are we doing with our treasure storing? where exactly is my heart? if its in my savings account or my portfolio; if its in the commerce of material goods; if its in accumilation and consumption, then i guess i am in for a real depression, if not worse. but if my heart is in sharing good news; if its in caring rather than consuming; if its in wanting a fair chance for everyone; if its in thinking about my neighbor before myself, then maybe, just maybe, my hope will be a light in a very dark situation. this is no time to promote fear. this is no time to shout accusations. for citizens of God's kingdom, this is the time to share hope and joy.

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o God of every good gift, i repent of my need to consume everything. deliver me from my propensity to use the word "need" when i mean "want." save me from my satisfaction with the status quo. may the prayer of my heart during these days be, "thy kingdom come." in the name of the One who demonstrated once and for all that nothing - nothing - can hold down love, amen.

review: u2 - no line on the horizon

today i bought a new record. that used to mean things like buying a large black piece of vinyl, or a see-through cassette tape (with that amazing smell when you opened the plastic), or, more recently, a plastic disc.

but not anymore.

now it means that i sent some numbers through space and space sent back to me some songs that landed inside my computer where i can listen to them. it seems that we've been crossing many horizons, and continue to reach and cross them at a breakneck pace.

more specifically, i bought the new u2 album today (i got it for $3.99 on amazon). having jumped on the u2 bandwagon rather late (i bought joshua tree in college only to turn around and sell it to someone else because i thought it was too bland), i'm never exactly sure what to expect from a u2 record. i loved "all that you can't leave behind," mostly because it was so melodic and accessible. full disclosure: i love pop music. i love a good hook and a sweet aftertaste. when u2 does this, as in "beautiful day" or "vertigo," i am a happy follower. when they don't, not so much.

so i'm not one of the music aficionados (snobs) that can't stand for u2 to write a top 40 song. i literally want them to write a top 40 song. i want more "i still haven't found..."s and "one"s.

and so i have a mixed review of this new, minimally adorned collection of songs. musically, it seems to mostly stay the course of the trajectory of u2, marked ever and always by the edge's ringing guitar. lyrically, it keeps driving off both sides of the road for me. there are moments of profundity and even clarity, "only love, only love can leave such a mark/but only love, only leave can heal such scar." but there are also awkward moments, which made me feel like i had just snuck a peak into my sister's journal, "coming from a long line of traveling sales people on my mother’s sidei wasn’t gonna buy just anyone’s cockatoo." so, yeah, it has its high and low points.

but overall, it feels like an album that will grow on me. i have heard it said in several places that this is the next "achtung, baby" but i don't see the comparison. where i wanted more "mysterious ways," i got "fez-being born." not a terrible song, just not exactly what i had hoped for. still, the fact that these guys are still making culturally relevant music - good art - after all this time, is pretty amazing.

pea sized

for those who are looking for newer pictures of my two sons, here you. shannon snapped these treasures right after church on sunday. they are doing well, and i am certainly enjoying all the little moments of their growing up. like last night. we normally tell jack that we put a pea-sized bit of toothpaste on this toothbrush. he told his mom last night that he likes when i put him to bed because "daddy gives me a poop-sized toothpaste." art linkeletter was right. have a great tuesday!

happy 33rd birthday to me

for my 33rd birthday today, my lovely wife made me this sweet ipod cake. if any of you know of my love affair with my ipod, you'll know that this is an appropriate cake for me. however, my ipod hasn't really been working recently, as it only keeps it charge for about 3 songs before it dies. not to mention that i can't fit any more music on it without cutting a bunch of music out. which i don't want to do.

and so my gift from shannon (other than the yummy crab cake dinner she made me) was a new ipod. thank you, shannon! i will be rockin' out to even more tunes soon! thanks for all the birthday wishes over at facebook. you guys are the best.

my performance at our church coffeehouse

saturday night our church had a coffeehouse to raise some funds for our youth service projects this summer, and i sang a couple of songs for it. we had an amazing turnout and a really great night. i was the first act of the evening, and i was nervous as heck, but i had a good time. enjoy!