while i've never really been in the slammer, this is a picture of me from 11 years ago when i was thrown behind bars in some restaurant in order to raise money for something that i cannot now remember. i think you normally get one phone call, so i used mine to call my mom (this is a true story) to ask her to make a donation. seriously. i called my mom. can you imagine that conversation?
me: hi mom. i'm in jail.
mom: what? what happened?
me: um...well, they came and got me in a limo and then brought me to fuddruckers and now i'm behind bars.
mom: what did you do?
me: well, i called you.
mom: no, what did you do to end up in jail.
me: nothing, mom. they want me to get donations to help people with chronic hangnails.
mom: oh. that sounds awful.
me: yeah, its really bad. we only get the regular fries. the curly fries cost extra. and these horizontal stripes make me look heavy.
mom: no, i mean the hangnails.
me: oh, yeah. terrible. hey, can you make a donation to the PACH (people against chronic hangnails) so that i can get out of here?
mom: yes, dear.
me: thanks, mom.