i am a pilgrim

i am a pilgrim. 

that statement is true for me in many ways, of course, but never quite so literally as today.  today i am not just on the journey of life or faith, but i am much more specifically on a journey towards jerusalem.  i will drive to an airport, get on a huge jet and fly to london.  there i get on a different plane and we fly to tel aviv.  then we get on a bus and ride to the ancient city where we will be staying for the week.  it's a far cry from walking or riding a colt, but it's still a pilgrimage, albeit a modern one. 

as i have prepared for and grown in excitement about this trip to the holy land, i have been drawn to the psalms of ascent in the hebrew bible.  psalms 120-134 are called the 'psalms of degrees' or the 'psalms of ascent.'  scholars disagree a bit about why these are called psalms of ascent, but there is agreement that they were songs that would have been song on the approach to jerusalem, and more specifically, to the temple (the disagreement is about whether they were meant as pilgrim songs on the long journey to Jerusalem or for the actual climb up the stairs to the temple).  one can picture the groups of families and communities, tired from  the journey but so excited for the time in jerusalem, singing these songs with loud voices, in minor keys, perhaps with some tambourine or other accompaniment.  if you listen closely to your imagination, you may be able to hear these joyful songs. 

so i have found myself immersed in these songs the last few days. i, too, like millions before me, will be journeying to jerusalem. i, too, want to add my voice to the din of travelers, craning my neck towards Zion.  i, too, want to lift my head and shout with joy,

"those who trust in the Lord are as secure as Mount Zion! 

They will not be defeated, but will endure forever!

Just as the mountains surround and protect Jerusalem,

so the Lord surrounds and protects his people, both now and forever!"

(psalm 125:1-2)

i, too, want to feel the dirt under my feet, the expanse of the sky overhead, and the company of all those who have gone before me.  i, too, want to feel the cold grit of stone that others, maybe even the Annointed One himself, have touched.  i, too, want to ascend the steps, not just to the temple, but to the One who created heavcn and earth, who chose to share story with the ancient people of this land.  i want to rise up, to lift my eyes, to ascend towards the One made a stunning covenant with the people who lived in these lands.  i want to sing, to chant, to play, to touch, to remember, to learn, to reconnect, to see, and to worship the God of Israel, the God of my journey, the God of my only hope. 

i am a pilgrim. 

i hope to be able to share some of my pilgrimage here in this digital space, with you, if you'd like to read it.  check back in during the week and i should have some pictures and descriptions of what we're seeing, as well as some reflections on what i am feeling.  i hope you will journey with me, even if only through word and image. 

and so, as i prepare to fly towards all of this, i share this poem which i have written, a kind of paraphrase of psalm 122, a song of ascent. 

i was excited when this trip was an idea,

but now it is a reality!

soon i will be inside your gates, O Jerusalem,

feeling the fabric of your faces and faiths,

at home

in the house of God.

many before me have journeyed here,

pilgrims who have worshipped and prayed,

knelt and wept,

and danced for Almighty God. 

i join them, now,

a traveling party of  saints and sinners,

kings and commoners,

and carpenters.

i join a long line of lovers, of believers,

even one who told us that he gave us peace,

not the peace of treaties and decrees,

but a peace that goes beyond our understanding:

a peace i know now,

as i make my way towards your ancient-and open-doors,

o jerusalem. 

dino cupcakes

the week of celebration is finally over.  he's had a dinosaur party, dinosaur cupcakes for school, and then another party last night with shannon's parents!  here are the cupcakes shannon made for his preschool class:  (isn't she talented?)

i just want to give a shout out to Greg C. who was the only one to give me any musical suggestions for our trip to israel. 

have a better than awesome friday.  check back in tommorow for a post about the beginning of a pilgrimage to jerusalem. 

fingerprints

its been quite the week, between getting ready to leave the country for israel, taking care of jack (who has the croup), missing a bunch of sleep, and trying to do the normal stuff of the week, i've kind of gotten lost in the shuffle.  when i stumbled out of bed this morning and walked, trance-like, down the hall towards the vicinity of the coffeepot, i was stopped in my tracks by the sun shining through the front window, illuminating an appropriate symbol of my life:

that's caedmon's hand.  its there from the times that he and jack climb onto the couch (in various stages of undress) and wave goodbye to me when i am leaving for work.  its an oily mess, from one perspective.  but with the sun shining through it, lighting up my groggy morning, it looked like something altogether different.  it looked more like a reminder of what's really important: my family, through which  i am beyond blessed. 

what's your symbol?  do you have a marker of the mundane?  some icon that identifies what is really important for you?  we all need some reminder from time to time to put aside the distractions (even the ones that seem so important at the time), and embrace what is truly rich about life.  if you don't have one, i encourage you to find one.  it doesn't have to be anything profound, in fact, the simpler the better, really.  just something that calls you out of your busyness and preoccupation and into the stuff that really matters.  for me, its a dirty handprint.  now if i could just make sure no one washes that window...

leftover candy canes and the croup

welcome to another random post today.  or, as it is more honestly called: the-i-don't-have-time-to-really-think-about-what-i-want-to-write-so-this-is-what-you-get post. 

-first of all, the big news in our house is that jackson has the croup.  (why do we have to say "the" croup?  [okay, nevermind, a quick google search showed me that we don't have to say "the" croup.  apparently that's just us.  weird]).  so he's been up quite a bit the last two nights with the coughing and wheezing and whatnot.  i've been warning him about his pack-a-day habit, but it's tough.  seriously, though, the poor guy has had a couple of rough nights.  hard to watch kids being sick.  i think he's through the hardest part of it now, though.

-one of the best part of january?  leftover candy canes from christmas.  awesome. 

-i watched a really cool movie last week that's been sitting on my shelf for awhile: blood diamond.  it was one of those movies that i knew was relatively serious (and violent) and so i just hadn't found the right time to watch it.  well, the right time finally presented itself, and so i slipped into the underworld of diamond smuggling according to leonardo dicaprio.  in all truth, though, while it was probably only an average movie in terms of story, it was certainly eye-opening and a chilling statement about the real price of the world's (particularly america's) obsession with diamonds.  at the very least, it is a good way to get out of buying my wife any diamond jewelry in the future (just kidding, honey).  (sort of). 

-currently listening to vampire weekend's new cd "contra."  love it. 

-i don't think i've shared this info here at the old blogstead yet, but shannon and i are headed to israel in a few days.  we'll be there a week!  i hope to be able to blog from jerusalem and keep you all updated with pictures and descriptions (not to mention all the drama i inevitably include).  we are really excited about this opportunity.  originally, i had signed up to go on this trip that my bishop is leading, and while i was excited about the opportunity (and the great discounted price for me), i was bummed that shannon and i would not be sharing the experience.  then someone in our church anonymously donated the money needed to pay for her trip, so she is going, too.  we are really looking forward to it, and want to say again to whoever gave us this wonderful gift: thank you.  we hope you know how much it means to us. 

-when i travel, and you're probably going to think this is weird, i really focus on what music i will listen to when i am there.  it is important to me that i set up an appropriate and inspiring soundtrack for my travel.  i usually buy some local music while i am there as part of that process, but i am currently making my israel playlist.  any thoughts on something i should definately include?  it doesn't have to be israeli music, but something that would be a good backdrop for my pilgrimage to the holy land.  help me out here, people.

-anybody try the throwback pepsi made with real sugar yet?  what do you think?  you like regular pepsi better?  i like the sweet looking old cans, but i'd rather have high fructose corn syrup in my pop, thank you very much. 

-and that will about do it for today.  hope you're all having a great wednesday.  peace. 

jackson's fifth birthday

today my little jackson turns five.  its so cliche, of course, but i truly don't know where the time has gone.  i can't believe he's five already.  as i look back over his life in pictures, i am both lost in love for him, and shocked by the sense of what is already gone.  his baby book, for example, ends at five years old.  and so we close the book on that.  and on what else?  who knows...

and so, mr. jack,  i am reminded to continue to cherish the moments as they arrive.  even, or especially, the mundane ones.  i bury my nose in your soft sandy hair and breathe deeply of your morning smell.  i get out the sticky tack to hang another one of your colorful star wars posters on your wall, celebrating your love of coloring.  i put on the "shrek song," and we dance like banshees, lost in reckless joy.  i chase you around the house like an evil robot, merciliessly tickling you when i catch you.  and i do all of this with a kind of emotional net, trying to catch these moments so i can pin them down or tack them up on the walls of my memory.  i never want to lose them. 

but enough about me.  it's your birthday.  so let me just say how proud i am of you.  you are off to an amazing start on this great big journey called life.  you sleep well.  you play hard.  you go to school.  you eat heartily.  you love art and construction.  you pray passionately (like when you say at the dinner prayer, "Jesus, you love everyone in the world, even us," or when you prayed the other night, "please help the kids in haiti, cause it sure looks like they are hurt.").  you are often quick to share and are always ready to take care of your brother.  and you are an absolute joy, my five year old son.  your mommy and i couldn't be prouder of you.  we look at this picture of you leaping, and we see the kind of joy we want you to face all of your life with: unbridled, unrestricted, uninhibited and reckless hope.  so keep jumping, jackson.  jump for joy, for hope, and for no other reason than it is an amazing gift to be alive, to be you.  happy birthday.  we love you.

dino party, part 1

tomorrow is jack's 5th birthday, and my mom and dad were in this weekend for part 1 of the celebration.  jack wanted a dinosaur-themed party, so we made that happen.  jackson and i decorated the room with many of his numerous dinos, and shannon (as always) worked her magic with the cake.  check it out:

delight in the word

i have seen all through fatherhood, from even before they were born, that my kids teach me lesson upon lesson about life and love.  it's just never been this blatant before.  God might as well show up at the door with a singing telegram.  it would be no more direct than this.

my two-year old, caedmon, loves things.  i mean, he just loves things.  he latches on to some particular possession - it doesn't seem to matter the real value of it - and takes it everywhere.  for the last few weeks its been the Bible.  not just any Bible, but my paperback copy of the message translation of the new testament.  this is a big deal for him. the book is about as big as his whole upper body.  and he takes it everywhere.  to church, sure, but also to bed.  and to breakfast.  and to the bathroom. if he inadvertently puts it down, it takes only a moment before he realizes it, panics, and goes into a frantic search for it.  at mealtime he puts it under his plate, like a foundation for his food.  during the day i'll catch him periodically flipping through the pictureless pages. 

he's latched onto possessions before (cars, costumes, advertisements) but never quite like this.  this level of object obesession is unparalelled in his 33 months.  and so, before God shows up with a two by four to beat me over the head with, i figure i should probably get the message. 

"i delight in your statutes.  i will not neglect your word," says the poet in psalm 119:16.  and somehow, cade innately knows this.  he is demonstrating the zeal of the psalmist to me in his own two-year-old way.  he delights in this big book.  and he doesn't neglect it.  it's simple, i know, but maybe caedmon is really onto something here.  i mean, maybe i should be as unashamedly and unswervingly dedicated to the word of God as he is.  maybe i should be as uncomfortable when i forget about it.  maybe i should be as dedicated to keeping it with (in) me.  maybe i should lug it around and even when it feels too big, or too boring, or too heavy, crack it open and see if life doesn't just come pouring out of it.  maybe i need to do a bit more delighting in it. 

maybe caedmon has no idea about all this.  or maybe he does.  who knows?  what i do know is that he is a perfect little blond-haired, blue-eyed reminder to me that i ought to be consumed with zeal for the gift that is God's word.  and that i will never again be able to read psalm 119 without picturing him on the toilet, naked, holding his Bible. 

thanks for the lesson, buddy.  keep teaching me.

hoarders

wow.  it was 2pm yesterday.  naptime.  and since i had the day off, i just sat down on the couch and flipped through the channels to see what was on.  something on A&E caught my attention, so i watched it for a bit.  it turned out to be a show called 'hoarders,' and i couldn't stop watching it.  it deals with people who are attached to their possessions and can't let go of them.  there seem to be a variety of triggers for this illness, but the results are often similarly tragic: divorce, loss of children, sickness and disease or even death.  shannon and i watched three episodes yesterday.  anyone else ever seen it?  thoughts? 

i had a great nfl weekend (as great as it can be without the steelers playing).  everything that i wanted to happen happened, which means (1) the ravens are out, (2) the cowboys are out, and (3) phillip rivers is out.  i didn't really care about the other nfc game.  at this point, i don't really care who wins, but i'm pulling for a saints/colts superbowl, with the saints winning.  that would make me happy for the big easy. 

we had a great mlk day.  we built a 550 piece puzzle.  played with play-doh.  i even talked to the kids a bit about martin luther king jr. and what he was about.  i don't think it sunk in, though, as jackson thought i was talking about king julian day (its from penguins of madagascar).  still, we had an awesomely relaxing day.

later, jack was doing flips and stuff in the room and said, "look at me, i'm doing fantastics!"  maybe that will be a new olympic event: fantastics. sounds like fun.

back to "hoarders" for a second.  after watching this show, i seriously want to give everything away.  and stop buying stuff.  THE WORLD HAS SO MUCH STUFF!!  okay thanks.  that is all. 

hope you all have a great tuesday.  be well.  take care of each other.

greg.

rusty circles

in a world as broken as this one, where i notice rubble and detritus all around me all the time, i feel like part of my job as an artist is to make some kind of sense of all the bits and pieces of our lives.  i recently sold this collage, and the recipient wanted to understand what all the parts meant.  i always find that to be an interesting question.  for me, one of the things it means (and this is true of every collage i make) is that i believe in redemption.  i believe that even what is broken and torn and rusty and discarded can still be used for something.  it ultimately affirms my belief that God not only can still use me, but loves me, despite my brokenness, my tears, and my uselessness at times.  for me, art = faith.  not in ways that i can mathematically prove or explain, but in ways that resonate in my spirit and call me to keep looking for bits and pieces of broken life all around me, and to keep creating. 

and so i do.

here is a collage i made with some of the rubble of life:

"rusty circles"

mixed media assemblage

gregory a. milinovich

i took an old muffin pan that i rescued from someone's garbage, and covered it with bits of torn dictionary (also rescued from the garbage). 

then i filled all of the cavities with various old metal hardware to which time and oxidation had given a rusty petina.  i used pieces that were in some way circular or round to match the patterns of the round places for the muffins in the pan. 

why?  why would i glue dictionary pages and old rusty washers into an old muffin pan?  because i believe in second chances; because i believe in redemption. 

Lord, have mercy

Lord have mercy.

that's the prayer that just keeps coming out of my mouth these last couple of days.  when i watch the news; when i look at pictures like this, and even when i hear people spewing garbage like this, i just am overwhelmed, and can only pray, Lord, have mercy. 

on the people looking for loved ones.  on the ones who saw their children in a heap of dead bodies.  on the ones who have lost what little they had.  on the ones unable to fall asleep in the street for fear of someone hurting them.  on those with no water to wash the taste of dust and death out of their mouths.  on those with broken bones, unable to move from the places where the broken earth left them.  on those working long hours, trying to provide medical care or hope or strength or water, who have had very little sleep themselves.  on those waiting for medical care, waiting on hotel floors or worse.  on those officals and leaders charged with solving very public problems.  on those whose apathy blinds them to the desparate cry of their sisters and brothers in need.  even on those whose misguided religion allows them to assign blame so callously without recognizing their own brokenness.  on all of these and more: Lord, have mercy. 

for a great response to those who have already said that this is the fault of the people of Haiti, check out don miller's words here. 

pray for all of those who are suffering.  and see if you can find a way to be a part of the answer to your prayer. 

Lord, have mercy.

louder than a giant screams

as i'm leaving to go to a meeting the other night, jackson said to me, "daddy, i love you louder than a giant screams and taller than the tallest building in new york city.  always remember that, ok?  cause i will always love you.  even if you go to heaven before me, still remember how much i love you because i will still love you, ok?" 

okay, buddy.  i won't forget.  i might not be able to believe it in about ten years when you're not saying such cuteness.  but i'll try not to forget.  as for heaven?  well, when you say stuff like that to me, i'm pretty much there already.  and i want to stand on the empire state building and with my best goliath scream let the whole world know how much i love you, too. 

the swirling mind visits the mechanic with the crazy hair

remember my old random, stream of conciousness posts?  well, here's one for those who enjoyed those.  welcome, for a moment, inside the swirling mind of greg.

*anybody ever get into the show friday night lights?  shannon and i have been working our way through season one on dvd, when we have a chance, and we just finished it and now have started season 2.  i love it.  i still can't tell if its a guilty pleasure, or if its really a great show.  either way, i'm enjoying it. 

*i'm at the car dealership right now.  just saw a mechanic come into view (it always intrigues me how secret the garage is at these places.  you can't see a thing in there.  its like the wizard of oz is back there changing oil and fixing transmissions) and he has the most unusual hair.  it seems like he has a receding hairline, where the hair begins to thin on the front part of the head, but further investigation reveals that he actually has two sections of hair on the top of his head.  it's like a biology textbook illustration of the asexual reproduction of certain organisms.  suddenly one cell turns into two.  that's what's happening on this guy's head. 

*actually, now that i think about it, i am surrounded by balding.  two of the guys in here waiting have major male pattern baldness, and the guy at the counter is a mr. clean wannabe.  makes me thankful for my hair, even if it is as nice and soft as a brand new brillo pad (if you are balding, this is not meant to insult.  bald is beautiful, baby).

*here's how much i pay attention to the news:  i keep hearing that something is going on with jay leno, but i have no idea what.  i keep hearing/seeing his name, but losing interest after getting to the "o" in leno, so i still don't know what's up.  i can just barely hear one of the news shows right now over keane singing on my ipod, and they are discussing this leno news.  what is going on?  is he sick?  is he making some big announcement?  did he have an affair with tiger woods?  what?  in the end, i could find out if i wanted to, but i really don't care.  and i'm sort of proud of that.  is that weird?

*i can see my car in the lot now, which means that they're done with it, and will soon call me over to tell me all the things they saw that need repaired.  i hate this part.

*so, i guess i should get going.  i hope you all have a great tuesday.  listen to some sweet music today.  and then dance to it.  seriously.  try it.  then tell me how it went.  i'll do the same.  we'll compare results tomorrow. 

caricature

i went to a party on saturday night for the local rescue squad (ems and firefighters), because i had been asked to come and give the invocation by some folks in my church.  i went, socialized, had a good meal, and then got a caricature done of me, which is one of those simple little things that i have always wanted to do, but just never had the chance to do it.  well, i got to do it, and it was awesome.  i am amazed at how people can do that: just look at you and draw an image of you like that.  i love this little guy, and am about to set him as my new avatar on facebook.  hope you all have a great monday. 

 

hypocycloid

i was recently commissioned to make a collage for a Christmas gift.  the person who commissioned me wanted to give the collage as a friend.  the catch was that the friend is a steelers fan.  so it needed to be a steelers collage.  well, i was excited about this, but i was also a bit perplexed about how to mix my particular style of collage with a collage with such a predetermined subject and palette.  so i got some materials and got started. 

just some art paper, some mod  podge and other basic tools.  then i gethered together a bunch of steelers papers that i have. 

next i made a large collage out of these papers by cutting and gluing and just putting things wherever i liked.  then i painted over this collage with a layer of gesso, which is a kind of white paint.  before the paint dried, i used paper towels to sort of wipe off some of the gesso so that you could still see the collage underneath.  it looked like this:

by now, a brainstorm had come to me.  so my next step was to make three separate collages that i would use in tandem with this one.  here they are:

after i made the three collages at my desired size, i then used acrylic paints to repeat the process i used before with the gesso.   i painted over each collage with a different color, and then used paper towels to wipe off excess paint, leaving the collage underneath visible.  the results of that process were these:

so after i had these, i took a steelers logo that i had and magnified it on a copier to a huge size.  then i used one of the hypocycloids (the diamonds on the steelers logo) as a pattern.  i used the pattern to trace the hypocycloid on each one of the three colored collages, and then cut out the shape.  i then arranged the three hypocycloids on my original white collage in the shape of the steelers logo, and glued them on.  after a final coat of matte finish, and a frame, the end result was this: 

"hypocycloid"

mixed media collage

gregory a. milinovich

i was really happy with how this turned out, and how i was able to make a steelers collage that still felt like it fit my style.  my friend was happy with it, too, and he said his friends really liked it as well.  it's always a challenge when you are commissioned, because you are never sure if what you make is going to match the commisioner's vision, but in this case i felt really good about it. 

review: switchfoot - hello hurricane

now that the nonstop march of Christmas is finally over, i've been spending a good bit of time living to the soundtrack of switchfoot's new album, hello hurricane, so i thought i'd give you a quick little review of it here at agent orange records. 

i've been listening to switchfoot since their debut album in 1997, the legend of chin, and they continue to impress me, even a dozen or so years later.  actually, in many ways, if you put the whole switchfoot catalog side by side, you would have one fairly coheseive whole, lyrically if not musically.  is this monotonous, or boring?  i don't think so.  i am reminded of a mentor who told me that i am constantly preaching the same sermon over and over again in different ways.  as a careful listenener, i think that is what switchfoot is doing, too.  they keep singing the same song in different ways.  the song says, "live your life fully."  maybe that's a bit too simplistic, but if i had to sum up switchfoot in four words, those would be the words.  they actually remind of me of  Jesus' words in john 10:10 when he told his followers the reason he came: "i have come that you might have life, and have it abundantly."  it is this abundant life that switchfoot points to.

and they don't do it with a pie-in-the-sky kind of everything's okay cheerleader naivete.  from the grit of the guitar to the weight of the drums, to the vein-in-the-neck intensity of jon foreman's vocals, switchfoot always seems to recognize the brokenness before offering the hope of redemption.  2009's hello hurricane is no exception.  there is no question that life is a hurricane at times, threatening and violent, but foreman belts out his hope, "hello hurricane, you're not enough..you can't silence my love."  in the album's opening track needle and haystack life, foreman sings the refrain to every switchfoot song, "all is not lost/all is not lost/become who you are/it happens once in a lifetime." 

musically, switchfoot never fails to tickle the ears.  from the outset in 1997, switchfoot had a way with their instruments, with billboard calling their debut "an intriguing and surprisingly mature effort for a debut release."  most know them from their album the beautiful letdown because of the crossover success of dare you to move and meant to live,  and the new album seems like a tip of the hat to the success of that project.  if you liked the made-for-radio tightness of the beautiful letdown, you will likely enjoy hello hurricane.  blazing anthems, heartfelt ballads, and life-giving lyrics continue to mark the art of switchfoot, and it doesn't disappoint.  i, for one, need to continue to hear their song.  maybe they do, too.  in yet, foreman sings with conviction: you haven't lost me yet/i'll sing until my heart caves in/you haven't lost me yet."  no, jon.  we haven't lost you.  keep singing, brother.  we're right there singing along. 

grade: 92%

the lego ketchup bottle

i've been holding on to these pictures for a bit, holding out hope for a home playoff game as an occasion to share them, but since that doesn't appear likely, i thought i'd go ahead and bust them out today.  here is heinz field:

and here is the lego heinz field that my kids and i made:

it wasn't as easy as you might think to put something together that both stood up and (somewhat) resembled the home of the steelers.  you can see below that i tried to emulate the spiral staircases at the scoreboard end of the stadium, the scoreboard itself, and the tiered structure of the building.  remember that i am not normally inclined towards these types of things.  it was hard enough just finding enough black and yellow and gray peices to make it work!  but it was a fun activity for me and the kids. 

go steelers! 

frosty the snowman

here's our kids and their cousins playing in the snow over christmas break.  enjoy!

happy new year, twenty ten

twenty ten.  i've been waiting for a while (about ten years, actually) for this moment.  now we can all save a syllable everytime we say the year.  do you realize that could save us, on average, 13.6 seconds over the course of two thousand t twenty ten?

we brought in 2010 by playing chicken feet with dominoes until 1:45 in the morning, complete with lots of laughter and a toast to bring in the new year.  today involves a great deal of football and food.  and sleeping. 

so happy new year to you.  i hope it starts off well and then just continues to get better. "good morning america" just had a choir singing "seasons of love" from "rent."  and it reminded me of that great lyric, and how appropriate it is for a time such as this: five hundred twenty five thousand  six hundred minutes.  how do you measure, measure a year?  in daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee, in inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife...how about love?  measure in love.

so have a great year.  save a syllable.  and measure it all in love.