how to properly squat, and other important lessons from unicorns

listen, i share this with you as a public service, in part because no one's life is complete without an ice cream-pooping unicorn and a prince telling your how to squat to do your business. but more importantly, i share this with you because you probably didn't know you've been doing wrong all these years. all you needed to do was purchase a piece of plastic (made in china) to put your feet on, for the optimal openage of the orafice.

i don't know about you, but i'm grabbing a stool the next time i need to go and, well, provide a stool sample, so to speak. in the meantime, enjoy this wonderful testament to the accomplishments of western culture.

ummm....yay capitalism and, um....murica!

Comments

bad haircuts (for a laugh)

everybody needs to laugh. one good way i have found to make that happen is to do a simple google image search for 'bad haircut.' when you do so, some of the following gems show up. thankfully, my 9th grade school picture does NOT show up. otherwise, it would certianly make this list! please laugh freely and without inhibition. thank you and have a nice day.

keep reading

happiness is dry underwear

we started potty training jack on thursday. we followed a program called POTTY TRAIN IN ONE DAY, which, by the way, i think is kind of crazy. i mean, if someone were to offer you a book called, "ACHIEVE WORLD PEACE IN ONE DAY" i don't think you would take it seriously. and yet here we are, trying to accomplish an equally daunting task in one 24-hour period. it is intense. the day is shrouded in a lie because as soon as your happily diapered child wakes up you tell him that it is a big party. we had balloons and streamers and noisemakers and silly string - all the trappings of a legitimate party. but it is most certainly not a party. it is a hellishly exhausting day. as soon as jack got out of bed, we gave him a present: an anatomically correct doll that wets himself. jack named him quincy. several times quincy successfully peed in the potty and even had an accident or two in his "big boy underwear." he also dropped a deuce that looked and smelled sus...

keep reading

i'm giving away the swamp

so this is a collage called swamp. i made it in february of last year. it is currently framed in a homemade, hand-painted frame. it is paper collage on a book binding panel. it is 7" x 10". and i am giving it away. i've been wanting to have a blog giveaway for some time, and the time has finally arrived. here's how it works. all you need to do is leave a comment on this post. by leaving a comment you are automatically entered into the contest (as long as your comment offers a way for me to get in touch with you, or you know that i know you). the contest will be open until next wednesday at noon, eastern standard time. at that time the contest will officially be closed and i will pick a random number. the person whose comment matches that number wins! for example, if i happen to pick the number 33, the thirty-third comment will win. oh, and one more rule: you can only post ONCE. if you win, i will send you the collage, signed by me, the artist, free of c...

keep reading

the unlikely orange

Search This Blog