c'mon scientists!

have you ever seen the movie "signs?" remember all the glasses of water sitting around the house? that's our house. times three. first you've got shannon who usually has at least one glass of water in every room. then you've got jack and cade's collection of sippy cups. let's just say that if water soluble aliens ever invade our house, they won't stand a chance.
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but, in all sincerity, i have a few thoughts about the abundance of beverages in our abode...
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1. the good news is, if you find yourself feeling suddenly quite parched, you need not fear, for a drinkable liquid of some sort is near. the bad news is, you're never quite sure where to look. you're better off starting in the obvious places: on top of books, under piles of paper or behind a box you haven't touched in a year. but if your initital search turns up dry, don't give up. you're almost guaranteed to find a sippy cup under some piece of furniture, and one of shannon's half-full glasses is likely to be precariously perched atop a pile of magazines, post-it notes, cd's and expensive electronic equipment. in other words, the good news is proximity; the bad news is location.
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2. having plenty of options laying around the house is fine except when you discover that your child is drinking (chewing?) milk from a sippy cup that you haven't seen in over a week. i know you think i am joking here, but i have seriously heard my son say to me, "this milk is yucky." and i have also been enough of a fool to spin the lid off and stick my nose in the pandora's box of toxic fumes within.
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3. i have my concerns about the recreational activities of these sippy cups. i mean, we run a basically morally upstanding house here and i think i pretty much know what is going on in the house. but i seriously have to begin to wonder what is happening behind closed cabinet doors because i swear that these sippy cups are reproducing. i know we have bought a handfull, but new ones keep showing up. and no one asks questions. its just like they were here all along. no one stops to think that the sippy cups might be getting busy in the jacuzzi (dishwasher). i have my suspicions...
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4. finally, i just have a question about technology. i'm pretty sure we've done some amazing things with science in this world: put a man on the moon, found a way to put some 8,ooo songs on a device the size of a credit card, and made cereal taste like real food (ummm, cinnamon toast crunch). we can do almost anything we set our mind to, it seems. right now there are scientists somewhere who are trying to genetically clone some random animal just so they can say they did it. and right now, somewhere in the world, there are sippy cups that are standing up straight with their lids on tight. they are not being jostled. they are half full of milk. they are just sitting there...leaking. i kid you not: every, and i mean every, sippy cup leaks. it doesn't matter how you hold it, what you put in it, how the lid fastens or straw works. none of it seems to matter. i mean we've tried every possible variety of sippy cups, too. its not like we have any shortage of breeds (remember point #3 above). and it seems worse with milk. its like there is an anti-gravity atmosphere inside the cups and even when they are just sitting there, milk seems to be seeping out of them onto whatever is around. and you will inevetibly place your hand in it. there is nothing worse than milk on your skin. because once it gets on you, you can't stop smelling it.
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c'mon scientists! can't you even devise a contraption that will not leak? please? and while you are at it, how about a tracking device and chastity belt to go with it? i am begging you. my skin is begging you. my furniture and floors are begging you. my sanity is begging you: please help me. i am being beaten by a growing army of poorly designed, precariously placed and rowdily reproductive sippy cups. help!

greg.