Skip to main content

things i'd rather do than see the ravens win the superbowl

 
ed. note:  this list is hyperbolic and not to be read literally.  mostly. 
 
things i'd rather do than see the ravens beat the 49ers in the super bowl:
 
-watch leeches slowly sucking all of the blood from my body through my inner thighs
 
-listen to one of mozart's symphonies performed by an orchestra who play by scraping their fingernails on chalkboards
 
-watch any other team - any other team - win the superbowl
 
-eat my weight in some disgusting combination of brussel sprouts, beets, grapefruit, eggplant, and rotten fish
 
-iron every piece of clothing in my house.  twice. 
 
-fight mike tyson with peanut butter spread all over my ears
 
-have each hair on my body pulled out individually by a blind torturer using molten-hot tweezers
 
-watch nascar
 
-be put in an enclosed room with a 150 rabid skunks
 
-see a meteor hit my television.  or louisiana.  the whole state.
 
-preach a sermon wearing only a speedo
 
-do lasik surgery.  on myself.  in the middle of a justin beiber concert.
 
-anything.  anything at all, actually, except perhaps have to bear two weeks of hearing people talk about the ravens.  sigh. 
 
-
Labels:

Comments

Happy said…
The first one to make me LOL was the Mike Tyson one, but then all the others started to also so I can't pick my favorite! Too funny, Greg!

I'm ticked because the Superbowl falls on Noah's 7th birthday and he was born the weekend we won Superbowl XXX! Burns my butt to think about the Ravens winning on his bday this year!
11:29 PM
Anonymous said…
please! no speedo from the pulpit!
8:15 PM
Cmilinovich said…
Actually, watching NASCAR is going a bit too far!!!
6:07 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

bad haircuts (for a laugh)

everybody needs to laugh.  one good way i have found to make that happen is to do a simple google image search for 'bad haircut.'  when you do so, some of the following gems show up.  thankfully, my 9th grade school picture does NOT show up.  otherwise, it would certianly make this list!  please laugh freely and without inhibition.  thank you and have a nice day. 
3 comments
keep reading

happiness is dry underwear

we started potty training jack on thursday. we followed a program called POTTY TRAIN IN ONE DAY, which, by the way, i think is kind of crazy. i mean, if someone were to offer you a book called, "ACHIEVE WORLD PEACE IN ONE DAY" i don't think you would take it seriously. and yet here we are, trying to accomplish an equally daunting task in one 24-hour period. it is intense. the day is shrouded in a lie because as soon as your happily diapered child wakes up you tell him that it is a big party. we had balloons and streamers and noisemakers and silly string - all the trappings of a legitimate party. but it is most certainly not a party. it is a hellishly exhausting day. as soon as jack got out of bed, we gave him a present: an anatomically correct doll that wets himself. jack named him quincy. several times quincy successfully peed in the potty and even had an accident or two in his "big boy underwear." he also dropped a deuce that looked and smelled sus
6 comments
keep reading

the crucifixion of Robert Lewis

  "the crucifixion of Robert Lewis" mixed media collage with leaves, acrylic paint, and found objects by gregory a milinovich october 2023 this october i was invited to participate in a three day trip which was called a "pilgrimage of pain and hope."  while that may not sound super exciting to many of you, it actually really intrigued me.  i am the kind of person that wants to feel big feelings, and i am drawn to the deep places, so  i was interested in traveling to the scranton area, where the trip was planned, to see what it might look like to be a pilgrim that was wide-eyed and listening to the pain and the hope in the stories of others.   this trip included hearing the stories of immigrants to the northeastern pennsylvania area, and the work in the coal mines that many of them did.  it included hearing from folks who are working for housing justice and equity in downtown scranton.  it included hearing from those indigenous people who first inhabited that land. 
1 comment
keep reading