ed. note: this list is hyperbolic and not to be read literally. mostly.
things i'd rather do than see the ravens beat the 49ers in the super bowl:
-watch leeches slowly sucking all of the blood from my body through my inner thighs
-listen to one of mozart's symphonies performed by an orchestra who play by scraping their fingernails on chalkboards
-watch any other team - any other team - win the superbowl
-eat my weight in some disgusting combination of brussel sprouts, beets, grapefruit, eggplant, and rotten fish
-iron every piece of clothing in my house. twice.
-fight mike tyson with peanut butter spread all over my ears
-have each hair on my body pulled out individually by a blind torturer using molten-hot tweezers
-be put in an enclosed room with a 150 rabid skunks
-see a meteor hit my television. or louisiana. the whole state.
-preach a sermon wearing only a speedo
-do lasik surgery. on myself. in the middle of a justin beiber concert.
-anything. anything at all, actually, except perhaps have to bear two weeks of hearing people talk about the ravens. sigh.