Wednesday, January 23, 2013

things i'd rather do than see the ravens win the superbowl

ed. note:  this list is hyperbolic and not to be read literally.  mostly. 
things i'd rather do than see the ravens beat the 49ers in the super bowl:
-watch leeches slowly sucking all of the blood from my body through my inner thighs
-listen to one of mozart's symphonies performed by an orchestra who play by scraping their fingernails on chalkboards
-watch any other team - any other team - win the superbowl
-eat my weight in some disgusting combination of brussel sprouts, beets, grapefruit, eggplant, and rotten fish
-iron every piece of clothing in my house.  twice. 
-fight mike tyson with peanut butter spread all over my ears
-have each hair on my body pulled out individually by a blind torturer using molten-hot tweezers
-watch nascar
-be put in an enclosed room with a 150 rabid skunks
-see a meteor hit my television.  or louisiana.  the whole state.
-preach a sermon wearing only a speedo
-do lasik surgery.  on myself.  in the middle of a justin beiber concert.
-anything.  anything at all, actually, except perhaps have to bear two weeks of hearing people talk about the ravens.  sigh. 


Happy said...

The first one to make me LOL was the Mike Tyson one, but then all the others started to also so I can't pick my favorite! Too funny, Greg!

I'm ticked because the Superbowl falls on Noah's 7th birthday and he was born the weekend we won Superbowl XXX! Burns my butt to think about the Ravens winning on his bday this year!

Anonymous said...

please! no speedo from the pulpit!

Cmilinovich said...

Actually, watching NASCAR is going a bit too far!!!