Skip to main content

thoughts after jumping off a building

"What if it doesn't hold me?"

I didn't ask it out loud, but this was the question bouncing around my brain as I stood on top of the Fraser building a week ago, with the wind whipping furiously, my toes on the ledge, and my heels hanging off the edge. I stood there thirteen stories up, with a tangle of ropes and equipment attached both to me and, by an intricate web, to a network of pulleys and structures all intended to keep me completely safe. I listened carefully, with the wind whistling through the holes in my helmet, as my instructor said, "now just lean back, and it will hold you."

Yeah, but what if it doesn't?!?

This "what if" question has a great deal to do with trust. I recognize this question from my life. I find myself asking it, sometimes unconsciously, about all sorts of things. What if my kids get hurt? What if my loved one gets really sick? What if our safety net isn't substantial enough? What if we can't afford this thing we need?

And, to be honest, I find myself asking this "what if" question quite a bit in relationship to the United Methodist denomination, and to my own church, too. What if the denomination splits and fractures? What if people leave our faith community? What if we forget our call to be the Body of Christ, with all of our uniqueness and diversity? What if we cannot continue to be what we have been?

With the cold wind pressing in close, and the gathered spectators below looking very distant and small, I did what my instructor invited me to do last week: I leaned into it. I just trusted. I gave up my own sense of security, and fell backward into the unknown. Of course, the ropes held me, and did their job beautifully. Not only was I safe and sound, but I was sparkling with joy and excitement, as I rappelled down the side of the building. What a feeling! What a wonderful experience, and one I wouldn't have enjoyed if I couldn't have leaned into it with trust.

I wonder what this means for us, in our own lives, in my denomination, and in my own church, during this moment in our history. I wonder if we will be paralyzed by our what-if's and our anxiety about scarcity, or if we will find some brave ways to lean into a new season with trust. I wonder what it might look like for us to choose to trust the God who provides and supplies and makes our cups overflow. I wonder, what if we were to lean into something new with courage? What if we can soar like we never imagined? And what if we don't try at all?

Prayer: God of the great adventure, help us to see how you are calling us to new things, and to opportunities that we can only realize when we choose to trust you. Help us, as your people, to lean into your provision, your call, and your invitation. Help us to soar, free from the burdens of scarcity and fear. Help us to trust you more, we pray, in Jesus' name, Amen.


Popular posts from this blog

running uphill in the wilderness (one step at a time)

back in early june, as part of an overall effort to get more healthy, i started jogging.  i was just kind of walking and running a couple of miles to start off, but over the last 4 months i've been staying consistent, which has helped me to run faster and further, lose some weight, and just generally be healthier.  on fridays, which are my day off, i try to run a longer distance, and i've been adding a mile every other week or so, which meant that today i ran 9 miles in about 99 minutes, which isn't great, but it isn't terrible, either.  mostly, it just feels good to be doing it, and to feel healthier in a general sense, physically, spiritually, emotionally, and so on. 

but there is one area that i haven't felt great about.  professionally, these last 8 months have been, without doubt, some of the most difficult in my 21+ years of full-time ministry.  now don't get me wrong: i love my job.  i really do.  it is so much more than just a job for me, but a vocatio…

happy mothers day, 2019

this year for mothers day, our boys and i are celebrating Shannon, and how she makes the world such a wonderful place for us, in so many ways.  she loves to travel, she loves to discover the foods and cultures of people around this globe, and she loves to discover more of the wonder of the world.  that wonder is contagious, and i certainly see it taking root and growing in our children, so that when they look around at this beautifully broken world of ours, they see the fingerprints of God, and the hope of redemption. truly it is a wonderful world, and our family is so thankful for the ways that our wife and mother shows us and points us to this truth every day.

so without further ado, here is our 11th annual mother's day video:

and if you want to see the previous ten, just click this link.  

a milinovich family christmas, 2018

it's Christmas eve!  we have once again put together a little montage (our eleventh annual!) of some footage from our advent preparations for Christmas, this time to a song that i absolutely adore called "Lord, Remind Me" by Jon and Valerie Guerra.

we hope you are reminded of the magic and the mystery of this unlikely story, and of the wonder of hope being born in your own heart again this year.