Skip to main content

happy birthday, tim white


hello there, tim white.  on this day in 1954, you were born in cumberland, rhode island.  i assume that it was sometime later that you got involved in the exciting and entertaining world of professional wrestling as a referee, although i'm certain that if it would have helped ratings to have two babies wrestling a "death match" in a pack-n-play, vince mcmahon would have done it in a heartbeat.  you could have refereed it.  but i digress.

at some point you became a referee in the wwf/wwe, which i assume means that you helped crush fake blood capsules and did everything you could to make the action look as fake as possible.  on the other hand, you claim to have undergone 9 different surgeries for injuries sustained while reffing in your 16-year career, including the injury that ended your career: the final three count in the "hell in a cell" match between chris jericho and christian in 2004.  you must have really pounded the ground emphatically.  i can relate.  i once bruised the bottom of my foot while stomping on an termite.  also, i sometimes hurt my neck when i'm sleeping.

in any case, it is not your refereeing that has me so curious; it is the fact that in the 1980's you also served as an assistant to andre the giant, who may have been a professional wrestler (i had his thumb wrestler, and along with junkyard dog, he was one of my favorites), but who, in my heart, will always be fezzik, the lovable giant in the princess bride.  if i could talk to you, i would want to know what it was like to be fezzik's assistant.  did he always make rhymes?  did he often offer you a peanut?  did he truly only dog paddle?  did he continue to fight local gangs for charity?  i have so many questions!

but this isn't about mr. the giant.  this is your 60th birthday, tim white, so in honor of your special day, i ceremoniously get down on the floor and pound the ground emphatically three times.  ouch!  my shoulder!

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

"follow me"

so here's the thing: i call myself a Christian.  actually, i don't even use that word as much anymore, because it ends up being a wedge between me and many other people as soon as i use it.  instead, i like to say that i'm a Christ-follower (which is closer to the way the very first Christ-followers talked about it anyway).  to be a Christ-follower is to - wait for it - follow Christ.  i know, surprising, right? 

well, it shouldn't be a shock to us that being a Christ-follower, or a Christian, means following Christ, but in America in 2018 calling yourself a Christian often has far too little to do with actually following Jesus.  when people call themselves Christians in america today, they may mean any number of things, such as:
-i went to a church sometimes when i grew up;
-i once got 'saved' at a christian camp or crusade;
-i believe in God;
-i am in favor of traditional american evangelical political positions;
-i say merry christmas instead of happy holid…

joy! this woman was born!

my friends, this unparalleled woman is celebrating a birthday today, and i cannot help but stop and say thanks that she was born.  every once in a while i imagine my life without her, and it is a dark and grim vision.  in this vision, there are no children living in my house, no voices singing opera from the shower, no kids books strewn across the living room.  in this vision, i eat spaghetti-o's from a can for dinner every night, and i am stuck in every rut i've ever gotten into.  in this terrifying vision the color of everything is gray, music sounds like a monotonous drone, and everything feels like long, cold nights. 

but she was born!

and somehow our paths were blessed to cross, and somehow i was able to convince her that spending her life with me wouldn't be as awful as it might have seemed, and somehow these last 19 years feel like the blink of an eye; like a colorful, melodic, sun-drenched, joy-filled, broken-but-blessed blink-of-an-eye journey.  all because on th…

forgiven much

if i was going to start something awesome, i'd probably start with the most attractive thing i could. 

i mean, it's marketing 101, right?  you've got to attract people, tell them that you've got something great, and that they need it. 

so think about it: if i was going to start a club for steelers fans who also love indie music, i would probably start by hiring my graphic designer wife to make some super awesome brochures or posters or something, and i would make sure they looked interesting and inviting.  next, i would look for some cool people to join my club, maybe even some people that people know.  i mean, it would be great if i could get the Avett Brothers to join my club, or JuJu Smith-Schuster, or someone that would attract others to join my club.  and we'd have snacks.  maybe little black-and-gold cookies in the shape of a banjo or something. 

but not Jesus.  that's now how Jesus operates.  (well, maybe the snacks...he was often to be found eating, or…