Monday, February 18, 2013
heavy: a news flash
...this just in....we are receiving reports that a mr. greg milinovich, pastor from sunbury, pennsylvania, has signed up for his first race since spring field day in the fourth grade when we won a short dash of some sort, in between plastic glasses of watered-down kool-aid. now, some 30 years later, he has committed to running a 5k. seismologists are already preparing their equipment for what will surely be a series of mild readings on the Richter scale during his weighty run. the city of tyrone, pennsylvania, where the race will take place, is making preparations by completing some proactive structural surveys, tying down loose objects, and even some evacuations by some of the folks living on or near the race route, who have been quoted as saying, "look, we've got kids. we can't have them seeing the equivalent of a giant hairy whale on wobbly legs come careening down the street...it would give them nightmares for months."
hold onto your green hats, folks, this is going to get interesting. now, over to bob for a story about caedmon milinovich, a kindergarten boy who refuses to call the great presidents of the united states by anything other than their first names.....