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saturday song: Christmas unicorn

nothing says "let's have a wonderful and traditional yuletide" like listening to sufjan steven's new 12-minute epic Christmas song called "christmas unicorn," containing not only a long homage to joy division's "love will tear us apart," but an apparent scathing commentary on the consumerist control of christmas.  it's all metaphor and cleverness, but it doesn't take a master's degree in lyricology to figure it out.  in fact, all you really need to do is read between the lines, and you'll find it, or maybe feel it.  but you'd better watch out, and you'd better not cry; you'd better not pout, i'm telling you why:  this song will sink its infectious teeth into your soul and will not let you go.  at least if you're anything like me.  more than likely, most of you will roll your eyes and wonder what's wrong with me, and flip your mariah carey christmas cd back on.  but maybe one of you will join me under the crushing weight of the awesomeness of this song, and together we can bow in admiration of the genius who is sufjan stevens. 

if you have a spare 12 minutes, i suggest you give it a try. 


I’m a Christmas unicorn
In a uniform made of gold
With a billy goat beard
And a sorceror’s shield
And a mistletoe on my nose

Oh I’m a Christian holiday
I’m a symbol of original sin
I’ve a pagan tree and magical wreath
And a bowtie on my chin

Oh I’m a pagan heresy
I’m a tragic-al Catholic shrine
I’m a little bit shy with a lazy eye
And a penchant for sublime

Oh I’m a mystical apostasy
I’m a horse with a fantasy twist
Though I play all night with my magical kite
People say I don’t exist

For I make no full apology
For the category I reside
I’m a mythical mess with a treasury chest
I’m a construct of your mind

Oh I’m hysterically American
I’ve a credit card on my wrist
And I have no home nor field to roam
I will curse you with my kiss

Oh I’m a criminal pathology
With a history of medical care
I’m frantic shopper and a brave pill popper
And they say my kind are rare

But I’ve seen others in the uniform
Of a unicorn just like me
We are legions wide and we chose no sides
We are masters of mystique

For you’re a Christmas unicorn
I have seen you on the beat
You may dress in the human uniform, child
But I know you’re just like me
I’m a Christmas Unicorn! (Find the Christmas Unicorn!)
You’re a Christmas Unicorn too!

It’s all right. I love you.


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