-well, the groundhog says we've got more winter ahead. which could mean 6 more weeks of temps in the 40's and 50's. or it could mean that winter is just getting started. who knows? only the groundhog, i guess. which leads me to the biggest issue i have with this whole groundhog thing. um, WHY DO WE LISTEN TO A GROUNDHOG? this is the kind of thing that 500 years from now kids will be reading about in a textbook (or whatever they're using then) and the teacher will say, "yes our ancestors believed that one magical groundhog named phil would emerge on one particular day each year to predict the weather patterns. it was reported on around the world and people took this very seriously." we're going to look like idiots. i mean, even more than we already do. they'll say, "this was a culture of witch doctors and superstition. they believed in meteorologists groundhogs and stars that can predict the number of friends you'll make, and cookies that can predict your future."
by the way, if you're eating a fortune cookie, i can predict your future, too: you just ate general tso's chicken, so heartburn and indigestion are in your immediate future.
-you know who i feel bad for on groundhog day? meteorologists. they work hard all year, studying charts and patterns and making predictions based on these studies. they face all kind of criticism for not predicting the weather perfectly. and then, a stinking groundhog comes along and predicts the weather and everyone believes this nearly brainless animal and we throw a big party. it's like saying to the weather women and men in local news stations and 24-hour cable weather networks around the country: "we think your job is such a colossal joke that we'd rather listen to a fat rodent make predictions than you. take that. oh, and by the way, will it be cold this weekend? i need to know what i should wear to that groundhog's day party on saturday."