Friday, July 06, 2007

seized

wow. this nearly sums up my life at this stage. everything i am is invested in these two human beings. i am reckless with joy over them and love for them. sometimes, for me, words are inadequate. it is said that a picture is worth a thousand words. but, when the picture somehow captures your adoration, when your spirit is somehow seized by the pixels, a picture is priceless, worth more than any words. this picture probably doesn't do that for you. but you need to understand that for me, as their father, this picture owns me and won't let me go. i am gripped by it. i can't help but feel the emotion bubbling up, threatening to escape. i can't help but feel compelled to take their little bodies against mine and hold them tight, even as they (especially the older one, that little stinker) wriggle to get away. i am convinced that if i could just hold them for a spell, and press my nose against their scalps and inhale what seems to be the smell of their very souls, everything will be right with the world. i am broken hearted, even as i embrace them, because somewhere in my conciousness i am aware that these hugs, these moments, these days, are not permanant, but are fleeting. i am tempted to seize them and never let them go. but i am convinced that to really love them is to really let them grow and go and learn and live. and for me to really be a father is to really hope that someday i will live completely in the awareness of that kind of embrace.

a picture is not just pixels. a picture can be worth far more than a thousand words. it can be life and love and hope for you. it can seize you.

greg.

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